How to navigate gift returns and regifting this holiday season

If you’re feeling guilty for thinking about returning that unironically ugly sweater your least favorite aunt gave you this holiday season, maybe don’t. ‘Tis the season of giving — and returning, after all.

The National Retail Federation reports that returns will total $890 billion for all of 2024. Returns happen year-round, but are most prevalent during the holiday season, the organization said.

But etiquette experts caution there is a delicate art to returning, or even regifting, the presents you receive.

“When it comes to returning a gift, I think discretion is key so you never hurt the gift giver,” said Myka Meier, an etiquette expert who runs Beaumont Etiquette in New York City.

There are some things to consider before heading to the store to make a return, according to Jo Bryant, a British etiquette consultant.

“The best way to return an unwanted gift is to really examine the financial worth, and relationship with the giver. It always involves a tricky conversation, so it is best to prioritise this for more expensive gifts when it really would be [a] shame that you can’t use it, and a real waste,” Bryant wrote in an email to NPR. “You also need to know the person who gave you the gift very well to be so honest with them.”

Keep quiet and return

For Meier, it’s all about discretion when it comes to returning a gift.

She and Bryant differ on whether plans for returns should be shared with the gift giver.

Meier said don’t say anything “unless they specifically ask,” she said. “For most situations, it’s better to simply thank them graciously for their thoughtfulness without mentioning the return. The focus should always be on appreciating the gesture of being given a gift, not the item itself.”

And maybe keep mum even after some time has passed, she recommends.

“I would still try to avoid ever bringing it up, but I also would not lie,” she said.

So, if that aunt who bought that ugly sweater asks how it fits two months after Christmas?

“In that case, you can kindly and tactfully explain, for instance: ‘It was such a thoughtful gift! Unfortunately, it didn’t fit quite right, so I exchanged it for something similar that I’ll use every day and always think of you!’ “

But maybe direct honesty is more your style?

Bryant believes “honesty and tact is best.” Regardless, be sure to flatter the gift giver and heap praise on the present at the same time.

If something absolutely must be returned, instead of saying that you just didn’t like the present, give a reason for the return that is out of your control, Bryant said.

She suggested saying something like, ” ‘I loved the cashmere jumper — it is one of my favourite presents this year — but I think the size up would be more comfortable for me,’ or ‘Thank you for the crystal glass vase; we love it but my mother recently gave us one very similar. I really don’t want such a generous gift to be wasted, so I’d love it if we could look to choose something else together? You always get us the best presents and we are so lucky to get such amazing and thoughtful gift from you.’ “

To save on possible awkwardness with these kinds of exchanges, Bryant suggested that gift givers be proactive and include the gift receipt, when possible.

What are the rules on regifting?

Yes, regifting is allowable, under etiquette rules.

“But it should be done thoughtfully and carefully,” Meier said.

There are limits to what can be regifted. “If the gift was customized in any way or has sentimental meaning, it’s not something to regift,” she said.

She addresses this topic further in a post on Instagram.

Some things Meier recommends if you plan on sending that previously discussed hideous sweater to a new home:

• Make sure the gift is new, totally unused and in its original packaging
• Avoid giving this gift to someone in the same social circles. In other words: Don’t give the sweater your aunt gave you to your cousin.
• Rewrap the gift “to show effort and care, just as you would with a newly purchased gift!”