‘Don’t be boring!’ How to cope with the social pressure to drink during Dry January

If your New Year’s resolution is to drink less alcohol, Life Kit is here to help. Sign up for our Dry January newsletter series, and get tips and strategies to help you stay alcohol-free for a month. Start your journey any time.

When Millie Gooch stopped drinking at age 26, her friends had a hard time wrapping their heads around it. At outings they’d say, “Come on — have one. Why not? Don’t be boring!” she says.

Gooch, who has been sober for seven years, knows now that this reaction comes from a societal belief that drinking makes you more fun and interesting.

This pressure is one of the biggest challenges that people face when taking a break from alcohol, whether it’s for Dry January, Sober October or any other time period, says Gooch, founder of Sober Girl Society, a U.K.-based support group for sober and sober-curious women.

To combat this, consider having “honest, vulnerable conversations” with your loved ones about why you’re taking a break from alcohol, so they know to support you on your journey, Gooch says.

Here are five common social conundrums you might encounter in a no-alcohol month — and how to cope.

I’m not sure what to say when people ask, “Why aren’t you drinking?”

Be direct and honest, Gooch says. Skirting around the reason can make it harder to say no. If you say, “I’m not drinking because I have to drive,” a friend may respond: Well, I can call you a cab.

Instead, try a response like this:

I’m taking a break from alcohol because [REASON HERE]. If you could support me, I’d really appreciate it. Because I’m finding it hard to stick to it as it is.

Whatever the reason, whether it’s to concentrate on a fitness goal or focus on your mental health, expect a positive and supportive reaction, Gooch says. In most cases, “people are like, ‘Yeah, of course! I care about you and I will do whatever.'”

If your friends are giving you a hard time about not drinking, ask yourself: “Do you really want to be friends with people who don’t like your company when you’re not drinking?” Gooch says.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by NPR (@npr)

My friends always want to meet up at bars, which makes me feel tempted to drink.

Chalk some of that up to routine, Gooch says. For many folks, meeting up at a bar or club is an easy option. But in her experience, “most people are open to doing something that doesn’t revolve around alcohol. They just don’t want to organize it because it takes effort.”

As the person making the big lifestyle change, you’ve got to take the reins on the planning, Gooch says. You might say, “I don’t want to go to a bar, but here’s an alternative suggestion.”

Opting out of drinking “doesn’t have to be crazy, fancy or expensive,” she says. Go out for brunch, go to a theater show, go for a hike, throw a little dinner party in your home. “I’ve seen people on TikTok create their own at-home coffee shop.”

It feels awkward not drinking at social functions.

Go ahead and order a nonalcoholic drink. Having something to sip as you mingle can mimic the ritual and habit of drinking alcohol, Gooch says. “People also like the comfort of having something in their hand at a social event.” It may even help avert comments like “Where’s your drink?”

Wondering what to order at that work happy hour? Denise Hamilton-Mace, a former bartender and the founder of Low No Drinker, a U.K.-based magazine about mindful drinking, shares ideas of what you can ask the bartender to mix for you.

• 🍋 Club soda with lemon, lime and bitters (note: bitters do contain alcohol but are used in small amounts for flavor) 
• 💮 Elderflower cordial and sparkling water
• 🥤 Nonalcoholic Moscow mule (ginger beer, club soda and fresh lime juice)
• 🫚 Gunner (ginger ale, ginger beer, lime juice and bitters)

If you’re worried about your ability to be a social butterfly without the alcohol, “come up with question prompts in advance,” Gooch says. “One of the reasons I drank was because I felt like it helped the conversation flow. So having topics up your sleeve that you can talk to people about is a good option.” (Need more tips on how to be a good conversationalist? Check out this Life Kit episode.)

Also, remember to be patient with yourself. Socializing without alcohol may feel awkward at first. You may feel more anxiety, a little less relaxed, until you get the hang of it. Give yourself time, and don’t worry if you have an “off” night.

My friends make me feel guilty about not going out. 

If all else fails, opt out. You don’t have to go to that party, said David Dorschu, then-CEO of Recovery Centers of America at Raritan Bay in South Amboy, N.J., said in a 2021 interview with NPR’s Brian Mann. You can say no and stay home. “Keeping yourself in a safe place is the priority.”

Remember, you don’t owe anyone a drink, and it’s OK to turn down that invite and make time for yourself, Mann wrote.

If your New Year’s resolution is to drink less alcohol, Life Kit is here to help. Sign up for our Dry January newsletter series, and get tips and strategies to help you stay alcohol-free for a month. Start your journey any time.

A quick note: If alcohol is causing you stress or harm, seek medical advice. There are a variety of treatments, including counseling, medications and support groups, to help people who want to end that dependency. This includes Alcoholics Anonymous, which has helped countless people. This guide from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism can help you find a program that’s right for you.

The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.