How a nurse’s call eased a daughter’s burden

This story is part of the My Unsung Hero series, from the Hidden Brain team. It features stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.

In 2005, Ashley Ludlow got a call she’d been dreading. Her mother, Judy, who’d struggled with mental health challenges for years, had attempted suicide.

“For anyone that has lost a loved one to suicide, you know how difficult this is. All of the mixed emotions, the guilt, the sadness. There’s so many complicated feelings wrapped up into it all,” Ludlow said.

Judy was found unconscious and taken to the hospital, where she was put on life support. Ludlow and her family wanted to rush down to Florida to be by her side, but Hurricane Katrina was brewing and it was impossible to travel.

“I had many [phone] conversations with the hospital about her outcome. I didn’t want my mom to suffer, but I also didn’t want my mom to end up living not as herself. That is not what she would’ve wanted at all,” Ludlow recalled.

Ludlow had power of attorney for her mother, meaning she had the responsibility and power to make the call about what would happen next. She made the difficult decision to ask for a DNR, or a “Do Not Resuscitate” order, so that if her mother stopped breathing, they would not try to revive her.

“I knew based on what she had written out that those were her wishes. But having to tell someone that out loud was agonizing. I was heartbroken, and the decision made me feel like that I myself was ending my mom’s life, and the guilt was overwhelming,” Ludlow said.

A few days later, Ludlow’s mother passed away. The grief was all-consuming. Ludlow couldn’t help but question whether the decision she had made was the right one.

Then, about a week after Judy’s passing, Ludlow got a call.

“A male nurse that had worked in the ICU at this hospital in Florida called to tell me that he had been one of the ones that had taken care of my mother and that my mother had never woken up, showed zero signs of pain and passed away peacefully.”

That phone call changed Ludlow’s entire perspective.

“He took the time to call me days later to tell me this information, to basically ease my burden and to let me know that the difficult decision that I had to make for my mom was indeed the right one,” Ludlow recalled.

It has been nearly 20 years since Ludlow received that phone call, but she thinks about her unsung hero often.

“I don’t remember this guy’s name, but I do remember how he made me feel and how he changed my life.”

If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline via call, text or chat.

My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to [email protected].