Here are 4 ways parents can help their teens be smart with screen time

Managing screen time is an issue that defines modern parenthood. Teenagers — who often don’t want to be managed in any way — present an extra set of challenges.

Many parents know that too much screen time is harmful for teenagers and they don’t want their kids encountering unhealthy or dangerous content. But figuring out exactly how to provide guardrails to prevent these behaviors is hard. Research from Common Sense Media shows teenage screen time spiked during the pandemic; tweens averaged more than five hours a day and teenagers more than eight.

“Parents are yearning for guidance,” says Lauren Salem, a mom of four kids who span tween and teen years.

“I think there’s a lot of big picture guidance but really there’s a kind of disconnect between — I get what I’m supposed to do, I get what we’re supposed to be aware of — but how do we actually incorporate it in our life and family,” she says.

While there is no panacea or easy set of rules for managing screens, researchers at the American Psychological Association (APA) say there are some useful strategies. The organization recently issued this guide for parents.

“ We really want parents to feel like — rather than throw up their hands and feel like it’s totally impossible to monitor everything — give them some tools,” says Mitch Prinstein, chief science officer at the APA.

The advice for teens is different than for younger children. Here are some things to consider.

1. Understand the digital landscape and the teenage brain

“Every single family I work with struggles with screens,” says Kent Toussaint, a therapist who founded the Teen Therapy Center in Los Angeles and was not involved in this report. “ I think a lot of times parents think that kids can self-regulate this and most kids cannot.”

Researchers who worked on the new report stress that teenage brains are ill-equipped to navigate today’s digital landscape.

“During the teen years, the brain’s reward centers are especially sensitive, while the parts that regulate self-control are still developing,” the report states. Teen brains are also extra sensitive to peer and social influence; this combination of factors makes it difficult for teens to disengage with platforms that are often designed to engage them and keep them engaged.

2. Promote healthy viewing habits 

Research shows that kids who are frequently exposed to content that includes depictions of things like aggressive behavior, bullying or hostile language can become less empathetic. Some content can promote things like self-harm or substance use.

Researchers say it’s important to help kids learn how to identify these negative behaviors.

“Encourage conversations about how different types of content make them feel,” the report guidelines suggest. Drawing attention to their feelings helps teens build their own critical thinking skills when it comes to evaluating content.

The report points out that not all screen time is bad. Exposure to prosocial behaviors can help kids cultivate kindness. Teens need to learn to see these patterns themselves, the researchers say.

3. Help them become critical thinkers

No parent can sit next to their child every minute that they’re watching screens, of course. But Prinstein advises parents to spend time with their child watching content — even if it’s short — and have a conversation about it.

“Focus on the nature of the content rather than getting caught up in keeping track of every video service,” advise the authors. “Ask curious, non-judgmental questions about what your teen enjoys watching.”

Another suggestion is to work together to develop strategies for evaluating content thoughtfully. Kids don’t like to be manipulated and can be receptive when parents initiate conversations about advertising, Prinstein says. He suggests pointing out things like the way ads are targeted based on viewing habits. Or help them to identify sponsored content, even when it’s subtly integrated into videos. Discuss how influencers build their audiences and what goes into creating their content, he advises.

4. Above all, stay engaged 

Often parents become overwhelmed, says Prinstein, but doing nothing when it comes to teens and screens is the worst possible thing. “ When a parent’s watching something with kids and something comes on screen that’s not okay — maybe there’s swearing, maybe there’s explicit sex, maybe there’s discrimination against others — parents might clam up at that point.” If there’s no discussion, Prinstein says “kids are more likely to assume that that means parents are a hundred percent okay with what they just saw.”

And while teens are known for pushing back on parents, therapist Kent Toussaint  stresses that the strength of the relationship between parent and child fundamentally influences a child’s habits around any kind of behavior.

“The more we’ve invested in connecting and the relationship with our child, the more they’re going to cooperate,” he says. “The more they’re going to work with us on our expectations.”

Ultimately, the goal is not to control your child, but to help them learn to exert some measure of self-control, even if it takes practice and is not perfect, Prinstein says. After all, this is a skill even adults struggle with.

“Sometimes modeling  that all of us are getting sucked in to doing this more than we want,” he says, “is helpful.”