After his parents’ divorce, a guidance counselor’s kindness left a lasting mark

This story is part of the My Unsung Hero series, from the Hidden Brain team. It features stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.

Things weren’t easy for Patrick Furlong during his teenage years. His parents got divorced when he was about 13 and his dad moved out of state.

One day in 2000, when Furlong was about 15, he was getting ready for a formal school event that required a tie and he realized he had no idea how to knot it.

 ”I sat in front of the mirror and fruitlessly tried and failed, over and over again, to twist the tie into different knots that might make it look like it was supposed to,” he recalled.

“As I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to figure it out no matter what I did, there were these tears of frustration that started to bubble up in my eyes. And I think they represented so much of the pain and hurt I was feeling in my life at that time.”

Furlong shoved the tie in his suit coat pocket and headed to the event. As he was waiting in line to get in, he saw his guidance counselor, Clyde Archibeque.

It was a small school and Archibeque knew what Furlong was going through at home. Archibeque pulled the teenager aside and asked if he could help him with something.

“When we got out of earshot, he just asked me if I had my tie. And I think I just started crying at that point,” Furlong said.

“I pulled the tie out. And I’ll never forget the loving, gentle smile he gave me as he tied it for me. And I think all he told me was, ‘We’re gonna be OK.’ And we were.”

Twenty-three years later, Furlong’s son was getting ready for his first communion. From the bathroom, the 8-year-old called for Furlong and asked for help with his tie. That’s when Furlong found himself back in high school, remembering Archibeque’s quiet act of care.

“I’m starting to put the tie on. And as I look in the mirror, I just have this moment where I’m taken back to that bathroom, where I was in high school. I can see the green wallpaper, I can see the lights that were above the mirror,” Furlong remembered.

“And I’m realizing how powerful it is that I was so alone in that moment … and that all these years later, I’m getting to do that simple act for my child — that I’m getting to put the tie on him that my dad wasn’t there to be able to put on for me.”

Later that night, Furlong reflected on that moment in the mirror with his son. Then he saw a vision, which almost felt like a prayer.

“I was back in the bathroom with my son earlier in the day,” Furlong said.

“I’m standing in that same position, lovingly putting his tie on. And I could picture that Mr. Archibeque was standing behind me. And that he had his hand on my shoulder.”

“And I’m just looking into my kid’s eyes. And then I’m glancing into Mr. Archibeque eyes, who are just smiling at me in that same loving way and telling me, ‘We’re going to be alright.'”

Furlong is now an educator at Loyola Marymount University. He counsels students who want to get involved in community service and social justice work — a role not unlike that of a guidance counselor.

“I sit with students in different capacities and just help them process what they’re going through. I get to do that with colleagues, students — it’s very similar, just in a different educational level.”

Now, in his role as a mentor, he often thinks back to Archibeque’s act of compassion and considers how he can create those kinds of experiences for his own students.

“It was just this really pivotal moment in my life,” said Furlong. “I realized that I don’t know that I ever got to thank him for that. So, if you’re out there, Mr. Archibeque, thank you. You have no idea what it meant.”

My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to [email protected].