After his parents’ divorce, a guidance counselor’s kindness left a lasting mark
This story is part of the My Unsung Hero series, from the Hidden Brain team. It features stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.
Things weren’t easy for Patrick Furlong during his teenage years. His parents got divorced when he was about 13 and his dad moved out of state.
One day in 2000, when Furlong was about 15, he was getting ready for a formal school event that required a tie and he realized he had no idea how to knot it.
”I sat in front of the mirror and fruitlessly tried and failed, over and over again, to twist the tie into different knots that might make it look like it was supposed to,” he recalled.
“As I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to figure it out no matter what I did, there were these tears of frustration that started to bubble up in my eyes. And I think they represented so much of the pain and hurt I was feeling in my life at that time.”
Furlong shoved the tie in his suit coat pocket and headed to the event. As he was waiting in line to get in, he saw his guidance counselor, Clyde Archibeque.
It was a small school and Archibeque knew what Furlong was going through at home. Archibeque pulled the teenager aside and asked if he could help him with something.
“When we got out of earshot, he just asked me if I had my tie. And I think I just started crying at that point,” Furlong said.
“I pulled the tie out. And I’ll never forget the loving, gentle smile he gave me as he tied it for me. And I think all he told me was, ‘We’re gonna be OK.’ And we were.”
Twenty-three years later, Furlong’s son was getting ready for his first communion. From the bathroom, the 8-year-old called for Furlong and asked for help with his tie. That’s when Furlong found himself back in high school, remembering Archibeque’s quiet act of care.
“I’m starting to put the tie on. And as I look in the mirror, I just have this moment where I’m taken back to that bathroom, where I was in high school. I can see the green wallpaper, I can see the lights that were above the mirror,” Furlong remembered.
“And I’m realizing how powerful it is that I was so alone in that moment … and that all these years later, I’m getting to do that simple act for my child — that I’m getting to put the tie on him that my dad wasn’t there to be able to put on for me.”
Later that night, Furlong reflected on that moment in the mirror with his son. Then he saw a vision, which almost felt like a prayer.
“I was back in the bathroom with my son earlier in the day,” Furlong said.
“I’m standing in that same position, lovingly putting his tie on. And I could picture that Mr. Archibeque was standing behind me. And that he had his hand on my shoulder.”
“And I’m just looking into my kid’s eyes. And then I’m glancing into Mr. Archibeque eyes, who are just smiling at me in that same loving way and telling me, ‘We’re going to be alright.'”
Furlong is now an educator at Loyola Marymount University. He counsels students who want to get involved in community service and social justice work — a role not unlike that of a guidance counselor.
“I sit with students in different capacities and just help them process what they’re going through. I get to do that with colleagues, students — it’s very similar, just in a different educational level.”
Now, in his role as a mentor, he often thinks back to Archibeque’s act of compassion and considers how he can create those kinds of experiences for his own students.
“It was just this really pivotal moment in my life,” said Furlong. “I realized that I don’t know that I ever got to thank him for that. So, if you’re out there, Mr. Archibeque, thank you. You have no idea what it meant.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to [email protected].
Transcript:
JUANA SUMMERS, HOST:
Time now for “My Unsung Hero,” our series from the team at the Hidden Brain podcast. “My Unsung Hero” tells the stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else. Today’s story comes from Patrick Furlong. When Furlong was around 13 years old, his parents got divorced, and his dad moved out of state. One day, when Furlong was a freshman in high school, he was getting ready for a formal school event that required a tie. But he realized he had no idea how to knot it, and there was no one at home who could show him.
PATRICK FURLONG: There were just these, like, tears of frustration that started to bubble up in my eyes, and I think they represented so much of the pain and hurt I was feeling in my life at that time. So I took the tie, and I think I shoved it in, like, a suit coat pocket. And as I was waiting to get into the event, I think a guidance counselor saw me, and he asked, you know, if I could come help him with something. And when we got out of earshot, he just asked me if I had my tie. And I’ll never forget the loving, gentle smile he gave me as he tied it for me. And I think all he told me was, like, we’re going to be OK. And we were.
Many, many years later, I’m living in LA with my family, and my son is preparing for his first Communion. And my son kind of calls for me in the bathroom and asks if I could come and help him tie his tie. And I’m starting to put the tie on, and as I look in the mirror, I just have this moment where I’m taken back to that bathroom, where I was in high school. I can see, like, the green wallpaper. I can see the lights that were above the mirror. It’s like I’m back in that bathroom. And I’m realizing how powerful it is that I was so alone in that moment, that I didn’t have a father to help me tie the tie and that all these years later, I’m getting to do that simple act for my child – that I’m getting to put the tie on him that my dad wasn’t there to be able to put on for me.
And later that night, when I’m reflecting on that moment and I’m reflecting on the love of Mr. Archibeque, and I had this, like, vision, almost – this kind of prayer that felt really imaginative, where I was back in the bathroom with my son earlier in the day, and I’m standing in that same position, lovingly putting his tie on. And I could picture that, like, Mr. Archibeque was standing behind me…
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
FURLONG: …And that he had, like, his hand on my shoulder (crying). And I’m just looking into my kid’s eyes, and then I’m glancing into Mr. Archibeque’s eyes, who are just smiling at me in that same loving way and telling me, we’re going to be all right.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
FURLONG: And it was just this really pivotal moment in my life, and I realized that I don’t know that I ever got to thank him for that. So if you’re out there, Mr. Archibeque, thank you. You have no idea what it meant.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SUMMERS: Patrick Furlong lives in Los Angeles, California. He’s now an educator himself at Loyola Marymount University. It’s a career choice he says that was partly inspired by his unsung hero, Clyde Archibeque.
You can find more stories of unsung heroes and learn how to submit your own at hiddenbrain.org.
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