A caregiver’s survival guide: Advice from people who’ve been there

If you’re a caregiver for an ill or elderly adult, you’re not alone. Millions of others are right there with you. They know how rough it can be, and they want to share their wisdom.

When NPR asked caregivers to share their stories, nearly 600 responded with practical advice, hair-raising stories and plenty of hard-won expertise. (Share your own story here.)

As one put it: “Dear whatever doesn’t kill me, I’m strong enough now. Thanks.”

There are seasons in caregiving — long stretches where things are relatively stable and phases of turmoil, when everything is happening at once. These suggestions can help you cope through the crises and the quiet times.

Navigate the following chapters for camaraderie and wise words from people who know what you’re going through.

Click on these buttons or scroll to navigate to each section

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The medical maze: How to help your person through it

One of the first tasks adult caregivers face is learning the ropes of the crazy U.S. health care system. You’re likely becoming both a patient advocate and a medical coordinator — two jobs with steep learning curves. Here’s what other caregivers have learned.

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The new normal: This isn’t the life I planned. How do I adjust?

Caregiving is now your new normal. But fully accepting and adjusting to this changed reality can take a while. Often, it comes in waves — periods of calm interrupted by wild turmoil. Here are tips for enduring these times.

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Help! How to ask for (and accept) support

The No. 1 piece of advice from other caregivers: Get help, whether from a support group, a friend, other family, a therapist, your church, or all of the above. Caregiving is too hard and too isolating to do it on your own. As one caregiver put it, most people start the job as if it were a sprint and only slowly realize they’re in a marathon. Try these caregivers’ tips for getting the help you need.

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Self-care: It’s essential and it’s not what you think 

It’s not spa days and yoga classes. Real self-care means learning how to protect your mental and physical health despite the crushing demands on your time. Often, that starts with setting boundaries and forgiving yourself. Explore what’s worked for other caregivers.

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Your new relationship: Dealing with a changing dynamic

You’re no longer just a partner, spouse, parent or child. Now, you’re also a caregiver, and that changes your relationship with your loved one in ways that can be hard to detect and difficult to adjust to. These caregivers explain how they navigated the change.

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Explore more resources

Taking on a family caregiving role can be overwhelming. Luckily there are organizations and resources out there to give you a helping hand. Here are some pointers and places to start.

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