‘That was masterful’: How a stranger’s words made Vivian Curren feel like a good mom

This story is part of the My Unsung Hero series, from the Hidden Brain team. It features stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.

On a hot summer day in 2010, Vivian Curren decided to take her 3-year-old son, Benjamin, to a park on the beach.

Curren rarely took him anywhere, because in those days, Benjamin could be impulsive and unpredictable in public. She had grown accustomed to the stares they would get from other parents in response to his behavior.

“They just looked at me like it was crappy parenting,” Curren recalled.  ”Like, ‘Why can’t you control your son?'”

But she wanted to get him out of the house and the park was nearby. She figured if they needed to leave, they could leave.

When they arrived at the playground area at Winslow Park in Freeport, Maine, Curren was relieved to see that there were only two other people there — a woman and a girl who appeared to be her young daughter, in a large sandbox. Curren tried to steer Benjamin toward the swings, but he made a beeline for the sandbox.

“I definitely had a sort of ‘oh no’ feeling,'” Curren recalled. “But he was already playing. And I wasn’t going to explain to a stranger, ‘You don’t want your kid sitting next to mine.'”

Curren crossed her fingers while Benjamin and the young girl began to play.

“And of course, my son picked up a big pile of sand and threw it straight at the other little girl,” Curren said. “I was horrified.”

So, Curren did what she always did when her son was having trouble with his behavior: She walked him through a series of questions, which allowed him to understand that what he did was wrong and how to correct it.

“I leaned over to my son and said, ‘Benjamin, what do you do now? And he said, ‘I help clean her up,'” Curren said.

With permission from the woman and the girl, Benjamin helped wipe off some of the sand.

 ”And I said, ‘Benjamin, why do we not throw sand at people?’ He said, ‘Because it could hurt if it got in their eyes and people don’t like having sand thrown at them,'” Curren recalled.

“And then I said, ‘And what are you going to say to your friend?’ And he said to [the girl], ‘I’m sorry, I won’t throw sand at you again.'”

In the moments that followed, Curren assumed the stranger was judging her for poor parenting, as usual. But when she looked at the woman’s face, she saw admiration and respect.

“This mom turned to me and said, ‘That was masterful,'” Curren said. “And all I could think to say back was, ‘I’ve had a lot of practice.’ What I wish I had said was, ‘You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today.'”

For Curren, it was a turning point; it was the first time she felt seen by a stranger for doing a good job as a parent. It’s a feeling she still carries with her now, as Benjamin finishes his junior year of high school.

“This woman made me feel like a good mom,” Curren said. “And I will never forget her words, her tone and the way it made me feel. I have no idea who she was, but if she hears this, I’d like to say thank you.”

My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.