This story is part of the My Unsung Hero series, from the Hidden Brain team. It features stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.
In 2019, Darren Wayman’s wife, Bonny, was about to give birth to their first child. Wayman was terrified of becoming a father.
“It was the biggest barrier to me having kids because I didn’t know if I was capable of being a good dad,” Wayman said.
Bonny, on the other hand, seemed to have no doubts about having kids, which lead to Wayman questioning himself even more and reading about parenthood didn’t help.
” There [are] so many books out there telling you how to parent, particularly how to not ruin your child through their upbringing,” Wayman said. “[And] a lot of parents are happy to share their parenting horror stories or tips that work for their kids that they assume will work for everyone else’s kids, when maybe that’s not always the case.”
When Bonny went into labor, all the parenting advice and personal fears started to ricochet around in his brain.
“I was standing in that delivery room [and] my mind was on overload with all this information, trying to get it right, trying to straighten it out in my brain,” Wayman remembered. “The moment had come and I still felt as unprepared as ever.”
A flurry of doctors and nurses came in and out of the room. Wayman stood, looking at his newborn son, with a glazed expression. Soon, a male doctor entered the room and stood next to Wayman.
“He must’ve seen the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face [because] he finally said, ‘Just make sure he’s fed, clean, warm and loved, and the rest will take care of itself.'”
The doctor’s advice silenced all the fears running through Wayman’s head.
“It was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He helped remove the mental clutter and gave me direction.”
It’s been five years since that doctor said those words to Wayman. Since then, he’s become a dad to both his firstborn, Hudson, and his 2-year-old daughter, Haddie.
“Anytime I’m struggling as a parent, I often think back to those words as my parenting foundation. I make sure my kids are fed, clean, warm, and loved, and the rest really has taken care of itself.”
If Wayman were standing in front of that doctor today, he knows exactly what he would say:
“To my unsung hero: Thank you for your words of comfort. Thank you for going beyond the call of duty to help a new and overwhelmed father simplify how to care for his kids. Thank you.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
Transcript:
AILSA CHANG, HOST:
Time now for “My Unsung Hero,” our series from the team at the Hidden Brain podcast. “My Unsung Hero” tells the stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else. And today, we wanted to bring you a story to celebrate Father’s Day. It’s told by Darren Wayman. In 2019, Darren’s wife gave birth to a baby boy they named Hudson.
DARREN WAYMAN: He was my first child, then I was absolutely terrified of being a father. It was the biggest barrier to me having kids because I didn’t know if I was capable of being a good dad. My wife was so sure about having kids. She seemed so ready and confident, and I had no doubt that she would be a great mother, which made me question myself even more. There’s so many books out there telling you how to parent, particularly how to not ruin your child through their upbringing. A lot of parents are happy to share their parenting horror stories or tips that work for their kids that they assume will work for everyone else’s kids when maybe that’s not always the case.
When my son was born, I was standing in that delivery room. My mind was on overload with all this information, trying to get it right, trying to straighten it out in my brain. I must have been standing in that delivery room staring at my newborn son and wife with a glazed look on my face because the moment had come, and I still felt as unprepared as ever.
The room was a rotating door of nurses and doctors coming and going. When at one point, a male doctor, he came into the room. He must have seen the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face. He stood alongside me, you know, oriented the same way that I was facing my son. And he finally said, just make sure he’s fed, clean, warm and loved, and the rest will take care of itself.
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WAYMAN: The moment that he simplified parenting for me into four basic objectives, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He helped remove the mental clutter and gave me direction. I now have two kids, and it’s been five years since that doctor said those words to me. Throughout those five years, anytime I’m struggling as a parent, I often think back to those words as my parenting foundation. I make sure my kids are fed, clean, warm and loved, and the rest really has taken care of itself.
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WAYMAN: To my unsung hero, thank you for your words of comfort. Thank you for going beyond the call of duty to help a new and overwhelmed father simplify how to care for his kids.
CHANG: Darren Wayman lives in southwest Colorado. His son Hudson is now 6 years old, and his daughter, Haddie, is 2. Hudson loves to read and play soccer. His sister is already planning on going into medicine and can often be found walking around wearing a doctor’s coat.
You can find more stories of unsung heroes and learn how to submit your own at hiddenbrain.org.
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